Can you be addicted to pornography?
While there is no clear definition of a porn addiction according to the American Psychiatric Association, a porn addiction usually presents as a person who uses pornography in a way that impacts the regular functioning of their life – for example, not going to work because you’re at home watching porn, or not getting any sleep because you’re up late all night every night watching porn, or avoiding having a real relationship because it doesn’t compare to porn. The repetitive use of pornography must impact your daily living for it to be classified as addictive and potentially harmful.
Clients often say their partner is ‘addicted’ to porn, simply because they watch porn and find it difficult to stop watching it – this is not an always an addiction, a lot of porn is designed to hook the user in.
How do you know it's a problem?
Porn isn’t the problem - it’s what kind of porn you’re watching (emphasis on ethical porn please!) and whether your porn use impacts your daily living.
It's not about how much you watch, but about what you’re sacrificing to watch it. If you’re regularly choosing to watch porn above one of life’s necessities like sleep, eating, going to work, going to the toilet, having real relationships, then you may want to question whether you’re addicted.
How common is problematic porn usage?
According to the Second Australian Study of Health and Relationships conducted by the Kirby Institute (2012–2013), the majority of men (84%) and more than half the female (54%) respondents had viewed pornography. Porn addiction is actually uncommon in Australia, experienced by only 4 per cent of men and 1 percent of women. A new study is being conducted by the Kirby Institute right now – so it will be really interesting to see if these percentages have changed.
If your porn use is impacting on your relationship, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an addict, but it is definitely worth exploring in sex therapy with your partner your different views on porn and how you can better manage your use.
How does porn use impact our sexual relationships?
Unrealistic expectations – expecting your own sexual activity to replicate porn is very problematic. What you see in pornography vs what your sexual partner actually likes are probably two very, very different scenarios.
Increasing taboo effect – porn is always trying to push the edge of what is novel and likely to attract attention from viewers. Porn often goes toward the extremes of sexual activity, which may not be what you actually want for yourself. Extreme porn often sidelines so-called ‘vanilla’ sex as boring even though it can be very satisfying.
Using porn and only porn to cope – you can’t rely on one single coping strategy to support you in times of need. People need diversity in their coping strategies. If your partner hates you using porn, and it’s all you have available to cope with a busy day at work – it’s a lose/lose situation.
Lowering your satisfaction toward your own sex life – comparison is the death of satisfaction. Comparing yourself to porn can create a real wedge between yourself and your own sexual appetite, behaviours and wishes.
What can you do if you're struggling with problematic porn usage?
Sex therapy is a great place to explore your relationship with porn and porn addiction. You can attend by yourself or you can attend through couples counselling to support you to understand how porn is impacting your relationship.
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