In sex therapy we are finding a big shift in the sexual phrases people are consuming in the bedroom. Dirty talk and put downs have really shifted to focus more on praise and compliments. A Sex Therapist weighs in on the new trend: praise kink.
What is praise kink?
Praise kink is more than just the warm feeling you get from your partner giving you compliments - Praise kink is becoming sexually aroused by praise. If hearing ‘you’re a good girl/boy/boi’ triggers your sexual desire – you may have praise kink.
Why do we experience praise kink?
We usually crave what we don’t have or didn’t experience. Kinks often fulfil unmet needs from your childhood. If you didn’t receive praise as a child, you may find pleasure in praise kink as an adult. Generations of emotionally unavailable parents who were unable or unavailable to praise their children, may give rise to praise deficient children that crave validation and praise from others, developing into praise kink in adulthood.
Kinks can also develop from positive sexual pairings at any age. If you were complimented by an attractive boss, for example, and encountered sexual pleasure or fantasy with the experience, you may develop praise kink going forward.
How can sex therapy help?
In sex therapy we can explore how to incorporate praise kink into your sexual repertoire and how to communicate with your partner your needs. We can also explore any challenges you're experiencing with praise kink. It’s important to distinguish a kink from a fetish. Praise kink means that praise enhances your sexual experience and perhaps helps you reach a climax faster or more intensely. A fetish is something you fixate on and need as an essential part of sex. If you need praise in order to engage sexually at all, this could be classified as a praise fetish. A fetish itself is only problematic if the person becomes dependent on the fetish completely. It’s a lot of pressure for your partner to always have to deliver praise to meet your sexual needs, especially if there’s tension in the relationship.
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