What is mirror sex?
Mirror sex is using a mirror as a sexual device to enhance your sexual experience, through either viewing your own body parts or your partners during a sexual encounter.
Many sex therapists, sex educators and somatic sex specialists recommend clients get familiar with their own body through using a mirror during sex with a partner/s or during self-play or masturbation. You can do this by holding a mirror while you masturbate, practicing self-play in front of a mirror, or by having sex in a room with mirrored walls.
A mirror gives our eyes greater access to unseen body parts, building our self-awareness and mind-body connection. Shame and stigmatisation around certain body parts, particularly genitals, is really common. Using a mirror to familiarise, normalise and connect to pleasure using these parts, can for some people be very therapeutic in healing their relationship to their body.
How does mirror sex help?
A mirror can support someone to gain greater awareness of their body parts and how they work. Using a mirror for self-play can support you to clearly explore what you like, and therefore more accurately describe it to a future partner. If we know our body more intimately, we may be able to find our pleasure more easily, and therefore communicate our needs more clearly.
A mirror enhances visual stimulation which can be very sexually stimulating for some people. Some people also enjoy the voyeuristic aspect of sex with a mirror as it’s like being watched or watching someone else have sex. Mirror sex can also support you to see new angles, or your partner’s face more during sex which can enhance pleasure and communication during sex. Watching yourself can build confidence as you can see yourself from your partner’s perspective.
Things to be cautious about
Visual stimulation isn’t for everyone and can cause sensory overload.
Being comfortable with your own reflection can be a big ask for some people, a mirror may reflect back body image challenges, dysmorphia, disconnection, trauma and discomfort.
You may become lost in the viewing pleasure and disconnected from the live experience.
Mirrors can reflect far and wide so be sure that your mirror can’t be seen from other angles like through the window.
How do you do it?
First step is to be comfortable with yourself in front of a mirror. Take a few moments next time you’re naked to try to sit with yourself, to try to acknowledge your body and notice the parts.
Don’t judge yourself if it’s hard to look at yourself, or to be comfortable with yourself, just notice that and ask yourself why that’s the case.
Loving your reflection may be too far a reach, let’s start with just accepting and normalising our reflection, perhaps start with simply noting the function each body part performs.
Next step – can you find out what feels pleasurable on your body and tap into what sensations you feel for each part you see.
All of this self-play knowledge can translate into partnered sex.
Always set a basis of consent with your partner and discuss first exactly what you’re wanting to explore and what your boundaries are.
Start small with making out in front of a mirror clothed, then when you’re ready move to standing naked next to each other.
Then you’re ready to explore some new positions with mirror sex.
Debrief with your partner after sex to see what they liked or didn’t like about the experience and for any modifications you both would like for next time. Constant, kind communication is key.
If you want to improve your sexual confidence, or learn more about yourself and your body, sex therapy is a fabulous tool to explore.
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