When we’re in the depth of a complex and intense relationship we can often miss the signs of trouble. We miss, or simply ignore the red flags, and continue as per the status quo until we crash and burn in despair. Relationship therapist and couple counsellor, Lauren Bradley, spills the truth on the big warning signs she sees in couple counselling that indicate your relationship could be headed for disaster.
‘When it’s good it’s good, but when it’s bad it’s bad’ – couples in trouble often use this phrase. A relationship should never be really bad, it should not experience big swings of highs and lows and extreme conflict. We shouldn’t be validating a bad relationship experience, by saying sometimes it’s good. It should feel safe, good and comfortable all the time, with the exception of the occasional mild fight or argument. If you are constantly feeling absolutely awful in your relationship, no amount of make-up sex will make it better. Big red flag that you may need some couple counselling.
You start to see the worst in each other - Couples in strife often only see the bad parts of their partner. The negative perspective takes over and they fail to remember the good parts they loved. They can become absorbed in what they hate, dislike or find troubling, and the balance of ‘is this worth it’ becomes completely unsustainable. Couple counselling can support you to re-connect with the best parts of your relationship, the reasons for why you are together.
You’ve given up trying – this is such a death knell for a relationship. All relationships need effort, they need constant work and investment. If you’ve given up trying and don’t even want to put the effort into change, then your relationship is likely to stagnate or fail. There is though, a big difference between not having the time to try, due to life challenges, or shifting focus into other areas of your life like having children. Getting distracted by life is really common, and we can support these couples to find the energy, focus, and commitment to give back into their relationship. Couple counselling only works if you’re both willing to invest in the relationship, it takes effort and time to change behaviours.
If you’re experiencing these big red warning signs of trouble – please reach out. There are ways we can support you to improve your relationship and find connection again.
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