Do you ever feel like you want more sex than your partner? Do you feel out of sync with your partner’s sexual desires? Do you have high libido and theirs is non-existent? You may be experiencing mismatched desire. Here are three factors that contribute to mismatched desire or libido differences.
One of the main issues that brings clients into sex therapy is mismatched desire. When one partner wants more sex than the other partner, or when the partners want sex at different times. Mismatched desire is really common and can feel really challenging to navigate as a couple but a great sex therapist can support you through this to reignite that desire.
Speed and timing
Mismatched desire is often not a question of willingness. Usually when we ask partners about whether they do want to have sex with their partner at some point – the answer is pretty much always yes. Mismatched desire is often about a difference in the speed of arousal. One partner can get turned on quickly, the other takes some time to become aroused. We expect the slower partner to be ready when we are – but they often require many factors to bring their desire into readiness. We can explore these factors that improve sexual readiness in Sex Therapy.
Context is key
If you’ve just had a baby, or you’re fighting a lot, or maybe your partner is experiencing a really high stress time of their life - there's a high chance your sexual relationship has changed. The context in which you operate heavily influences the sexual connection between partners. Often the context creates situations where we need to bolster our efforts to engage sexually, try new strategies, develop new ideas. We can’t rely on the old methods that worked when we first started dating – we need to adjust our sexual approach and initiation to suit the context. Sex therapy can support you to explore positive sexual contexts and to overcome challenging sexual contexts.
How good is the sex?
Our motivation to have sex is highly linked to how pleasurable the sex is. If you’re not having pleasurable sex, or having painful sex then this is going to feed into desire. We can overcome some of the barriers to desire, by improving the quality of the sexual interactions you’re having with your partner.
Sex Therapy can support partners to explore their desire in a healthy way and develop strategies to improve sexual connection. Sex Therapy can be really beneficial to support you to re-align desires and get on the same page sexually.
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